Forget ‘The Room’! ‘Plan 9 From Outer Space’ is the best worst movie ever made
Cinematography by William C. Thompson
Hello! I hope, whoever and wherever you are, you’re having a most beautiful day. It’s time for us to buckle our seatbelts, set aside our modern concepts of equality and diversity, and hold on tight — it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
I remember first watching Ed Wood’s masterpiece years ago, back in my early teens – I have never in my life been so captivated by such a fantastically terrible work of art. With a screenplay that is among the worst ever adapted, acting that genuinely highlights the beauty of Edward D. Wood Jr.’s script (and yes, that is actually his name), to two actors of distinctly different statures playing the same character (including famed actor Bela Lugosi!), this 1959 film is one of the funniest ever made.
I honestly don’t know where to begin with this 77-minute piece. I could celebrate the fact that there are some of the most realistic UFOs ever seen in a film to this day (I can’t fathom why someone wouldn’t think using hubcaps was a good idea after seeing this movie!). Or perhaps I would simply go right for the script, which has some of the most memorable dialogue you’ll ever hear, such as the absolute cracker, “Visits? That would indicate visitors.” Or, better yet, “Don’t worry about me … The saucers are up there [looks to the sky], and the cemetery’s out there [looks right, then to the house], but I’ll be locked up in there.” There are top ten lists out in the world with the very best lines from Plan 9, and I could easily make my own, but really, it is only as good as its acting, and the acting matches the quality of the words in full force. That’s not to say they’re not doing their best, because I genuinely do think they’re really trying. That’s what’s important, right?
“Stronger. You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!”
Admittedly, the music isn’t that bad, and the cinematography hints at someone capable of producing decent content. And the costuming… well, it’s costuming. And its message of anti-violence is an admirable one, one that is always welcome. Its other note of ‘men are superior, and women are not’ is… far less so. One that is a result of its time, and reflective of the time’s opinions on gender equality. Aside from the latter antique message, though, this movie makes the most of its $60,000 budget. Down to the hubcap UFOs.
Cinematography by William C. Thompson
This film is worthy of its legacy as the great Bela Lugosi’s final film, a film that began production after he had already died, archive footage being used to cast him in the movie. But what of further scenes? Why, cast another actor? At this point, any filmmaker would seek out someone who looked remotely like Bela Lugosi. Wood, likely realising his mastery of his craft, opted instead to hire a chiropractor, Tom Mason, who proved significantly taller even as he hunched over. More so, due to anxiety over his bad teeth, Mason filmed all his scenes with his cape held high over his face. Indeed, you can hardly tell the difference between the two.
Cinematography by William C. Thompson
My copy of this film (though you can find it on Amazon Prime, and I insist you must do this favour for yourself!) has the caption, ‘Ed Wood’s Cult Classic… The Worst Film of All Time!’ plastered over the top. With a nonsensical story that features gravedigging zombies from outer space – who kill and then resurrect their dead – who are all controlled by aliens – who are trying to stop the human race from destroying themselves while the military hides the truth – with a pilot and his wife taking centre stage in it all…? this film deserves to be known as the worst film of all time. Edward D. Wood Jr. proved so prolific that ultimately, one of Tim Burton’s best films is about this director. This film, though it is well-known, is not nearly well-known enough. This is the film you should throw on if you’re having a bad day, if you need assurance that a project or piece you’re working on could indeed be worse (this film would win every limbo contest), or if you simply want to have a good laugh. Plan 9 From Outer Space is a masterpiece, a comedy gem, and the (best) worst movie you’ll ever see. I cannot recommend it enough.
Thank you for reading — I post on Fridays! And again, please do have a great day.
— Charis.
