Missed opportunities in ‘Star Wars: Episode II — Attack of the Clones’

From Disney+ and Lucasfilm Ltd, taken from theatrical release poster by Drew Struzan

Hello! I hope, whoever and wherever you are, you’re having a most beautiful day and that you’re staying sane inside amidst the chaos of COVID-19. For those who are still working, I hope you are safe and well. In my last review, I praised The Phantom Menace for its satisfying (and consistent) worldbuilding, characters, pacing, and plot – to name a few. It was action-packed with great choreography, the music was astounding, and I genuinely enjoyed myself as the runtime flew by. This has proven to be a double-edged sword, as though The Phantom Menace was tremendously fun, in contrast to Attack of the Clones, the only appropriate word to describe my feelings on Episode II is… disappointment. That, and a question: George Lucas, what did you do?

First off, the worldbuilding – though decent, has nothing on Episode I. It took until well after we’d left Coruscant that I learned that was where we were at the film’s beginning. Thankfully, this is the only case of confusing setting, as old locations Naboo and Tatooine are again easy to establish, and new locations Kamino and Geonosis are similarly identifiable. Yet the new worlds have a certain… hollowness to them. The two never seem to go beyond standard new set-pieces there to give the illusion of expanding the Star Wars universe. Still, the locations and the worldbuilding prove one of the best elements of the movie. That, and the music, which has the same issue. Nevertheless incredible, but not on the same level as what came before. The only highlight of this film is ‘Across the Stars’, Anakin and Padmé’s love theme. Beyond that, it’s decent enough, I suppose.

This film is far slower than its predecessor. In contrast, the action plots (in an action film, which I consider all Star Wars movies to be) are far sparser than before. As such, I find myself almost distracted as scene after scene inches by. Though the action that does occur is solid, it is not on the same level. The opening sequence, the race through Coruscant, now-Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi battling Boba Fett’s father, Jango Fett, the coliseum (which turns a battle between all the Jedi against the enemy… and is not the most incredible scene in the series, which is a crime in itself), the Jedi versus Sith battle… It all leaves me wanting, not nearly on the edge of my seat. The plot is mainly at fault for this, designed to burn slower through its separation of main characters for almost the entire film. Truthfully, I suspect one of the biggest missteps is splitting Obi-Wan from the film’s protagonist, Anakin Skywalker, now 19 and well-versed in the ways of the Jedi. Its attempts to expand the story ultimately works against its favour, holding so much to it that the character-building suffers.

The battle begins… Taken from Star Wars: Attack of the Clones by Lucasfilm Ltd, cinematography by David Tattersall

Though Obi-Wan remains a strong character – and far wiser than before, now a surrogate father to Anakin – the other characters, the Jedi, the villains of the film, do not get the development I was hoping for. Palpatine is thrown wholly to the sidelines with only hints of his grand plan, and newcomer Count Dooku is, though blessed with having Christopher Lee as the actor behind him, not given anywhere near as much screen-time as he deserves. The man who trained one of my favourite characters, Qui-Gon Jinn, this movie easily could have revealed him far earlier (not just in name only, with which Attack of the Clones tried to get away) and helped establish such a character. Better yet, it could have explained just how such a respected hero ends up mentoring under Darth Sidious. Similarly, Jango Fett could well have been better set up. After all, this is Boba Fett’s father! Yet the story again forbids them from being seen further. Darth Maul could get away with this, though far more of the story was centred on his actions than this film with Dooku or Fett. Worse still, though Dooku is left to fight another day, Jango Fett is ousted from the movie like a chump (perhaps so Mace Windu, played by Samuel L. Jackson, could look badass).

Still, the biggest victims of this story are Padawan Anakin and Padmé Amidala, now a Senator instead of Queen. The story is centred on an assassination attempt on the latter character, which soon evolves into the unfurling of the Sith conspiracy that becomes Episode III and sets the stage for all to come. And though she again expresses traits of leadership, courage, strength, and wisdom, Padmé is ultimately relegated to the sidelines, in need of protection from the Jedi. The movie wastes her character almost entirely, treating her more as a damsel, a love interest to Anakin than the hero she is. Meanwhile, you have Anakin, whose anger and darkness are less hinted and more a blazing neon beacon that leaves a poor taste in one’s mouth. Subtlety is not the story’s strong suit, seemingly forgetting the word altogether. From the “development” of their love story to his rampant emotions, it is all substance and little reward. Even the death of Shmi, Anakin’s mother – the turning point in Anakin’s character before his becoming Darth Vader – is not nearly as emotional as it ought to have been. Still, most people I suspect turn to the relationship between the two before almost anything else to support their argument that the Prequel Trilogy is the weakest in the saga. And… yeah, I can understand why. Similarly, Anakin’s relationship with Obi-Wan proves troublesome and does nothing to help Anakin become an identifiable hero. Anakin always blames Obi-Wan for his troubles, and though we see Obi-Wan’s sternness with Anakin when reprimanding him, not enough is displayed to really sympathise with our hero, here.

Hayden Christenson’s Anakin Skywalker crosses a point of no return. Taken from Star Wars: Attack of the Clones by Lucasfilm Ltd, cinematography by David Tattersall

Before I continue on, I’ll just add that the worst part of this film is its dialogue, which is 75% of the problem with this film. Written by George Lucas and Jonathan Hales, Attack of the Clones has some of the cringiest dialogue I’ve ever heard – at least when Plan 9 From Outer Space had terrible writing, it was funny. Here, it’s just bad. It is the reason the scene where Anakin and Padmé first confess their feelings for one another that the horrendous writing shines the most, and the first scene anyone turns to when arguing that the Prequels are the worst in the saga. Again, I can understand why. Truthfully, one of my longest-enduring opinions about these films is that both Natalie Portman and Hayden Christenson (especially him), who have to relay the worst this facepalm-inducing dialogue, deserved a thousand times better. This is the relationship that ultimately gives us Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa, for goodness’ sake! But of course, why give us a relationship that slowly builds over the movie with some nuance when you could simply jam them together in such a way that Anakin comes off creepy as heck and Padmé acts uncharacteristically naïve when in the face of someone so unnerving and ragey? Not only do the actors deserve better – I know that Hayden Christenson gets a lot of hate unnecessarily for his part in this, which does genuinely irk me to no end – but the characters deserve better. Ultimately, I still love these characters, even after the crimes this film commits against them – that’s how bad the writing is.

Truthfully, it does come down to missed opportunities. All the potential for a rip-roaring successor and exciting stepping stone to Episode III flushed down the drain. Ultimately, I see two changes that could have made this film great: the first is to change the story, and the second is to get someone other than Lucas to write the screenplay. Even with his other films, the dialogue has never been his forte. Get the best of the best, and revamp the story. Match Episode I’s fast pacing by cutting out the assassination attempt on Padmé, and instead, focus on the conspiracy to undermine the Jedi and political system. Have Padmé, Anakin, and Obi-Wan work together for the film with Count Dooku’s help, building up that he’s this great hero (all the while foreshadowing his inevitable betrayal). Instead of a troubled relationship, establish that Obi-Wan and Anakin are incredibly close, that Anakin genuinely loves and respects his mentor – even as he starts to feel, with Palpatine’s ‘help’, that he’s being held back. Make us actually like Anakin, dialling down his creepiness and raginess yet still hinting that it’s getting worse.

A potential brotherhood like no other. Taken from Star Wars: Attack of the Clones by Lucasfilm Ltd, cinematography by David Tattersall

Name Jango Fett at the start, and have his first confrontation with the heroes be just after Anakin and Padmé leave for Tatooine to try and save Shmi. Make it this epic duel, with neither Jango nor Obi-Wan winning. Build his name and presence until the coliseum confrontation, when Dooku reveals himself to be centred in the opposition. The Jedi come, and Dooku watches on as Jango Fett leads the droid army. Actually let Jango keep some of his badassery when he fights Mace Windu, and let him go out still awesome.

Meanwhile, Anakin still gets to his mother too late, having her die in his arms, and allow that moment of no return feel all the worse. The very thing that tips the scales, that opens a door for his darkness to crawl in with newfound strength, let it be the most emotional moment in the movie. Have Padmé prove a strong yet steadying force in his life, let them become friends before lovers, with Anakin realising that even after all these years, she’s as beautiful as he remembered. Cut out the “I’ve obsessed over you for years like a total weirdo, Padmé, now FALL IN LOVE WITH ME, I HATE SAND”.

And please oh please, give us something akin to Duel of the Fates behind the Anakin and Obi-Wan versus Count Dooku battle. Cut the talking to a minimum and let them fight it out. Let them lose before showing off why Yoda is, well, Yoda. Make the climax stand out and nudge viewers to the edge of their seats (genuinely, there’s almost no music in the climax, and that absence is felt tenfold). End with Anakin and Padmé getting married, aware that their relationship must be kept secret at all costs. Give Palpatine and the Jedi more screen-time throughout the story, and cut out any names that aren’t resolved in this film or Episode III. Or, at least, let them make sense; I should not have had to look up who Jedi Master Syfo-Dyas was, given he commissioned the Clone Army which proves central to the film’s climax and the Jedi in their hour of need. For someone who was apparently Dooku’s best friend before the Count killed him, he both feels terribly important and entirely useless.

(Side-note: there is a difference between expanding on a story in side content such as novels, comics, and TV shows, and cutting out necessary information crucial to understanding the core material just so one will go check all the side content out. Sure, I would read books about Anakin’s life to learn more of him, but I’m only going to be pissed if I have to research to get a fundamental notion. That’s just bad storytelling.)

And one more thing: rename it as ‘Rise of the Clones’. The ‘Attack’ is in the TV show that slots between Episodes II and III, and in Episode III. Plus, Rise of the Clones sounds ominous, does it not? Intriguing? Exciting?

This film angers me because it’s such a waste of opportunities, as well as doing dirty to such great characters. The story and the writing really let Attack of the Clones down. It’s kind of fun at times, but truthfully, it drags. Instead of an action movie with some romance, we get a romance movie with some action. And not a great one at that. I don’t dislike this film enough that I would skip over it in a marathon (I enjoy it enough as a Star Wars movie), but if I have to pick out of all the films, Episode II is almost certainly not going to be my first choice. As far as its ranking on my overall list…

1. Episode I: The Phantom Menace

2. Episode II: Attack of the Clones

A potential love story to outshine them all. Taken from Star Wars: Attack of the Clones by Lucasfilm Ltd, cinematography by David Tattersall

So there we go! Though this film isn’t unwatchable, I do agree that it leaves a lot to be desired. But I’m interested in hearing your thoughts on Episode II – did you enjoy it? Hate it? Somewhere in between? Let me know in the comments!

But that’s all from me today. I post (temporarily) on Tuesdays and Fridays! All the same, thank you for reading, and I hope you have a most beautiful day!

— Charis.