On railroading: ‘Star Wars: Episode IX — The Rise of Skywalker’ is the worst finale ever made

Here we go, folks. Taken from D23 EXPO 2019 Teaser Poster by Disney and Lucasfilm Ltd.

Hello! I hope, whoever and wherever you are, you’re having a most beautiful day and that you’re staying sane inside amidst the chaos of COVID-19. For those who are still working, I hope you are safe and well. So… look, I won’t beat around the bush, especially as I’ve already made my main impression of Rise of Skywalker pretty clear with the title. This is arguably the single worst finale I have ever watched in my life, and I cannot begin to express just how depressing that is. Half the reason I am publishing this today and not this past Tuesday is because I genuinely needed time to prepare myself. So, do make yourself a drink, maybe a tea or coffee, grab a bite to eat, and get comfy because I have a lot to say. Let us return to a galaxy far, far away one last time, folks. For better, and certainly for worse.

Also, since this film is still relatively new, spoilers are ahead. To fully explain my thoughts on Episode IX, spoilers are indeed necessary. And with that…

A quick explanation before we go anywhere. In Dungeons & Dragons, which I play weekly, one of the biggest challenges a Dungeon Master (or DM) faces is the players taking their stories in entirely new directions. Improvisation is a fundamental trait that all DMs must have if they’re to run a successful game or campaign. Say a character has sworn an oath to never kill anyone. They have made it abundantly clear that they would only ever use non-lethal damage before session one has even begun. Everything is fine until session one actually happens and they go to make a non-lethal attack, they hit… and then, “Oh, you kill them.”

“What? No I don’t!”

“Yes, you do. You hit too hard, so they’re dead.”

“But I declared non-lethal.”

“You hit too hard, so they’re dead.”

That is called railroading. When the DM decides they want something, even if it contradicts a character or event or anything of the sort, they do it anyway. They want X to happen, so no matter how stupid and disrespectful to the other party members it is, X will happen.

To put it simply, J.J. Abrams railroaded this entire film. I cannot begin to express just how angry that makes me.

The most obvious sign of this is in the plot. Beyond the New Republic versus First Order direction, everything is new. The dagger with the Sith inscription, the two Wayfinders that lead to the planet Exogul – the centre of the film’s story – the dyads in the force, the cloning (or something? I still don’t know) of the Emperor as he makes his final return… Nothing here is pre-established in Episodes VII or VIII, or even the two trilogies prior. The closest thing is with Palpatine, which could have worked if they hadn’t made that story beat so big, or, you know, if they actually explained any of it.

Much of my hatred towards this film has to do with the Emperor’s place in this movie. Taken from Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, cinematography by Dan Mindel

Seriously, they don’t ever stop to explain how exactly he’s back or able to be cloned after having been chucked down a reactor so long, we couldn’t see the bottom of it.

The ninth and final movie is exactly the wrong time to be introducing new things. Yet that’s what Abrams did. One or two new characters I can accept, especially as they travel to new planets for different plot points. Yet the sheer amount of new characters – and the time dedicated to all of them – guaranteed that pre-existing characters would suffer. It is especially the wrong time when there’s already a plot ready to go that requires none of it — which is largely ignored as well.

Plot… and characters. My biggest reason for disliking this film as much as I do – the almost unholy amount of contradiction regarding character development. Poe and Finn almost got through unscathed, actually being allowed to continue to mature; Finn, I think, was the winner of this movie, finally having embraced his role as a hero and now staying to fight against all the odds. No longer does his resolve waver. Poe becomes the leader his mentors had hoped he would be, though he isn’t without his doubts. Though I would have had his resolve strengthened compared to what it ended up being – as he often catastrophises – he doesn’t have anything thrown in his face that would completely reverse all the work done there.

Two of the few survivors of this film’s slaughtered integrity. Taken from Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, cinematography by Dan Mindel

Kylo Ren, I think, should have had more of the story dedicated to him; after all, that’s what the previous two movies were building toward, one of which was Abrams’ own work. His struggles with the light and the dark, and his eventual return to Ben Solo: alas, with the attention being utterly misplaced about all this newness, he doesn’t get to complete his arc in the way he deserved.

I’m going to quickly sideline this in here: the other characters are a mixed bag. Rose turns out to have been thoroughly pointless, while Leia remains awesome to the end (may the legendary Carrie Fisher rest in peace). Han provides a warm and important moment for Kylo Ren, which I liked, while Luke does the same for Rey. Chewbacca continues to be fantastic while Lando Calrissian finally makes a return! I would be lying if I said his reveal didn’t make me smile. Yet surprisingly, one of the more emotional characters – up to a point – was C-3PO. I was moved by his sacrifice, his reminiscing with R2-D2 and his final comment referring to the main cast as his friends before he has his memory erased…

Of course, the film managed to completely screw this up by negating the sacrifice, giving him his memory back roughly two seconds later. Like any death scene where on the next page or in the next minute, they’re miraculously revived, I can only wonder, “So why was I meant to feel emotion again?” It’s cheating, it’s cheap, and it’s a complete and utter cop-out. It’s easily my most-hated trope, especially when there are no consequences to the resurrection in question. It’s toying with your audience to get a cheap tear, and if I never see it used again, it will still be too soon.

*Tries not to feel bitter about one of the most emotional film’s beats proving null and voice* Taken from Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, cinematography by Dan Mindel

Okay, back to it. Rey. Rey, Rey, Rey. Rey from nowhere, from nothing. An orphaned scavenger on Jakku, whose parents didn’t want her, who sold her. In The Last Jedi, this isn’t a matter of interpretation, this is cold fact they state as clearly as humanly possible on multiple occasions. As I wrote in my last review, the fact that she didn’t come from any big family, that she was just Rey, was my favourite aspect of Episode VIII. Perhaps that’s an attribute to why I hate this twist on the twist so unbearably much, but for all the things I could intensely dislike about it, the reveal that Rey is actually a Palpatine is one I hate even more again. Not only is it a blatant contradiction, not only is it a copout, but it adds unnecessary levels to her character. She is already conflicted, she has room to grow yet, and the door on her heritage was closed and bolted. Unless you’re J.J., apparently. The Emperor could have featured as a stepping stone to the climax, a final test before the end. But to drag such a spirited young hero into all that offensive mess? Excuse me while I go cry in a corner for a few.

Also, rule number one: if you’ve already established an idea, and that idea has been published, do not backpedal on the idea. It does nothing for no one, and it results in certain 23-year-olds being stuck raging at their computer screens as they type such things out. It’s a betrayal of trust between the storyteller and the audience, plain and simple.

Truth be told, when I think of this part of the film, I go back to Obi-Wan: “So, what I told you was true... from a certain point of view.”

Though in Episode VI, I understand why Obi-Wan lied – it was because George Lucas simply hadn’t come up with the Anakin/Vader revelation until Episode V happened. In Episode IX, there is no excuse.

My theory is that J.J. despised Episode VIII so much, and promptly proceeded to take every ounce of The Last Jedi and throw it off the top of a skyscraper. That is the only reason I can amass for why he would do so dirty to Rian Johnson’s film.

A lot of the problems in this film come down to fan-service. In Episode VII, Abrams managed to keep it dialled down enough that we could focus on what lay ahead. Here, it’s so intense I can barely breathe. Though I’m ecstatic Chewbacca finally got his medal, the only reason that scene is there is because fans wanted it. Leia has a lightsaber, which is cool, but only because fans would be eager to see such a thing (with proper setup, though in the case of Leia’s character, I am far more forgiving given the circumstances). Han and Luke return because what’s a new Star Wars movie without all the oldies? Even the Emperor, even if his return completely nullifies the impact behind Darth Vader’s sacrifice through his return to Anakin Skywalker?

Farewell to a legend. Taken from Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, cinematography by Dan Mindel

Truthfully, if there’s any reason to dislike the Palpatine part of this film, AKA most of it, it’s the strike against Anakin’s most critical character moment: his sacrifice. He died so the Emperor would die, so Luke could survive. The heart of the first six movies, the first two-thirds of the entire Skywalker saga, invalidated because J.J. wanted Palpatine back.

At least there was no new Death Star. They might have jammed in the second one in the sensor system because “hey, Death Star!”, but it’s still not a brand new fourth one. Small victories, folks.

That being said, the best part of this movie was Qui-Gon Jinn’s brief cameo. That made me smile like you wouldn’t believe.

So. The characters are screwed over, and the plot absolutely should have been dedicated to that which had been already built up for two movies now: Rey and Kylo Ren. They were easily my favourite element of this movie, aside from Qui-Gon, as I still really loved the relationship between them. Their uniting to take on the Emperor, Kylo Ren saving Rey’s life and the one and only kiss they share, I adored it. I felt the heart behind it. The first time I watched it, I was mad because they killed him off. Yet seeing Rise of Skywalker again, though I still would have preferred for him to get to live, to get to be Ben Solo by Rey’s side, I am warmer to the idea this time around.

Thankfully, this movie wasn’t an entire failure. Taken from Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, cinematography by Dan Mindel

But only a small portion of the movie was theirs, and the film suffers for it. The trilogy suffers, the series suffers…

And if I don’t move on now, we’ll be here all day. And I’d like not to vent so much. This is, after all, a Star Wars movie. Character-driven, fun escapism. Not meant to be taken seriously.

Ah, the music! A lot of fan-service to the older movies, but otherwise decent enough. It’s a Star Wars score, so I am really not complaining.

The choreography is a definite step down. The duelling scenes are well-constructed, though the final battle is absolutely a letdown in terms of quality and choreography; the space dogfights start off strongly with the opening sequence aboard the Millennium Falcon (praise yet again for that hunk of junk!), the others are… okay. They’re not memorable, but they pass the time, I suppose.

Honestly, I would have had the final fight be with Rey and Ben taking on the Knights of Ren, who were built up for so much of the movie only to be complete disappointments. Excuse me while they are quickly ushered into the Fett pile. It’s gotten so big!

The world-building similarly doesn’t do much to add to the saga. There are new planets, though I can only remember the name of Exogul, the world Palpatine resides within. Actually, scratch my previous statement: it adds a lot, but none of it has any backing or explanation or setup. The mythos is greatly expanded, but again, in the final instalment – especially when that final number is the ninth number – that is way too late.

But ah, what of my most infamous area of critique in Star Wars? The dialogue! It’s adequate, though not as tonally on-point as the others. It feels a lot lighter than perhaps what’s appropriate here. It definitely betrays that this is indeed a Disney movie we’re watching. Still, I’ll take Episode IX’s dialogue over Episode II’s any day. Every day. Attack of the Clone’s writing still haunts my dreams.

Character and plot, dialogue and music, world-building and fight scenes… The essence of a Star Wars film. And aside from the music (which was a given), every single element is a failure. This film tried to please everyone and instead proved a bitter disappointment. For those who enjoyed this movie despite its endless flaws, I wish I could be you right now. Even if only for a moment, so I wouldn’t feel so disheartened after nine films of otherwise fun escapism. Episode II may have had its problems, but it didn’t prove a complete and absolute betrayal of everything that came before it. Episode VI may have been mediocre at best, but its disadvantage of the world still being established at that time gives it a leeway. Plus, we hadn’t already seen Episode VI before its release – there is so much of Return of the Jedi in Rise of Skywalker, because this movie apparently hadn’t already suffered enough.

So yeah, this movie is anger-inducing. It betrays its characters, its mythos, its own trilogy, and basic storytelling, to name a few. If this wasn’t the final Star Wars film in the Skywalker saga, I might be more forgiving. Except it is, and I’m not. Not even the beautiful shot of Rey and BB-8 standing before those iconic two suns on Tatooine could have had me leaving this movie with any less than a bitter taste in my mouth.

In other words, not only is this easily the worst Star Wars movie, but in my eyes, it’s the worst finale ever made. And with that…

A genuinely beautiful shot. Taken from Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, cinematography by Dan Mindel

1. Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

2. Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

3. Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back

4. Episode I: The Phantom Menace

5. Episode VII: The Force Awakens

6. Episode IV: A New Hope

7. Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

8. Episode II: Attack of the Clones

9. Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker

So there we go! With my feelings, I suspect, quite clear on the matter, I’m genuinely interested to know if you lovely people felt the same, differently, and to hear any thoughts you have on the final instalment. Let me know in the comments!

But that’s all from me today. For those who have tagged along on my space western journey, thank you! I hope you’ve enjoyed these reviews, or maybe found a new perspective on some these flicks! Granted, since this is the final Star Wars review, I will be returning to the Fridays-only lane as of today. All the same, thank you for reading, and I hope you have a most beautiful day!

— Charis.